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hi. im known as angela. sometimes they call me nurse/ missy/ betty, depending on their moods. qop-ian since birth. LOM-er since 12. and as much as i bitch/complain/roll my eyes real hard, i generally love the people/ the friends/ the life i have right now. oh yeah, im only 21 though i was told i looked a tad more mature.


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credits
Wednesday, June 24, 2009 @ 6:58 PM
it's over

or is it?

it is with a heavy heart that i typed my resignation "message" to my president.

i've thought about it long and hard. it's painful even.

and as of now, I'm no longer a member of the Legion of Mary.

it's weird really. i have been using this as a sort of self identity for so many years that now i no longer carry this brand, i wonder then, who am i?

i've been spending the past few months trying to find myself before i let go of the identity i have as a Legionary. but really all i did was to avoid the things that really matter.

funny isn't it. that at 21, i don't really understand who i am.

that at this age, of supposed maturity and sensibility, i still live in la la land and believe that fairy tales exist.

what then, is my identity?

a nurse? a friend? a godmother? a church goer?a sister? a daughter? it seems that whatever role i take, i seem to fail miserably. a person who cannot seem to fulfill her responsibilites, it seems.

with a smile i go to work, to church, meet friends, go home. but all i feel inside is emptiness and the niggling feeling that everything that i'm doing is wrong. and i feel miserable seeing others move on with their lives while i'm still stuck here, not moving forward in the direction that i want to because i'm afraid. of what others may think of me. of reaching out for what i really want. what an ass kisser i am - catering to other people's opinions like it really matters.

im tired of the person i've become. and when i look in the mirror these days, i do not see myself as the person that i want to be at all. i do not recognise the person staring back at me. a stranger to myself, it seems.

i just need to get myself sorted out. and find out what i really want. give me time.